i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize