i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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