I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the raccoons are back...
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