Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
