There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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