the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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