i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
