hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
