haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
