i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
