yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
