you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
