I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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