First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
