i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We got so high we made milksteak
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Green mimosas i think yes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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