I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
