Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
