I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
