my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
