Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
