i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
