Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
