Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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