am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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