those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
