capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
