how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
