You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
