He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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