just come out here and I will go home with you...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
