He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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