Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
