Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
