I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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