can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
