Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
