once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
