Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
