I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
