dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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