Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
