I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
