we have officially lost it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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