So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
