I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
