Your face is a jimmy john
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
