Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
