What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
True strength comes from lack of pants
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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