I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
