We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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