i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
