dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize