I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
