my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think your dad took our porno
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
