Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
