the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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