Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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