can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize