Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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