Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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