we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
