Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
