this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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