and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize