My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
