I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
