We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
