My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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