what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
