you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
