If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I need to stop coming to work sober
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
