Four minutes until I can fart!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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