he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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