i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
