Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
