Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
